Saturday, November 27, 2010

Birthday with chicken wings on the side

  So, today is my twenty first birthday, and to be perfectly honest I thought I would be a lot more excited about being twenty one. I'm legal all over the world, but I don't have any plans/time to go anywhere anytime what's the point? As a rule, I hate my birthday. I've hated it ever since Uncle Leo died eleven years ago today. I say this because the few days, no, weeks before my birthday something goes wrong. I don't want to recall every bad memory now because it's my birthday, and I'm supposed to enjoy it, right? One good thing about birthdays though is that it's a good time to reflect and think of how I've grown since the year before/a good excuse to eat chicken wings and beer with my little brother. I’ve thought a lot about the past year. From the places I've been, the people that have entered my life and forever changed me, things I've accomplished, goals I've fulfilled and so on.

  I'm lucky to have had the opportunity to travel to the places I've been to over the past year. A few weeks after my birthday I escaped the cold for a week to go to Oahu I went all by myself not knowing anyone or what to do while over there. I was going with the flow. I wanted to see where fate would take me. I ended up meeting two guys who I still keep in touch with today. They definitely made my trip more memorable. I even went down to New Orleans with my best friend during the Olympics two months later to visit them! I had a great time on both trips with memories that will never leave me. Besides those two places I've had the chance to do a lot of hiking this summer around the lower mainland, West Van, the North Shore and other places. I also had the chance to take TLMF to Ucluelet on Vancouver Island (where my heart will always be) the Sunshine Coast and the Okanogan for his gig. I also went to my first cheese work!!! It was like I died and went to heaven!! I'm talking about Little Qualicum Cheese works in Qualicum Beach on Vancouver Island. OH MY GOD IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD!!! I ATE SO MUCH CHEESE!! OM NOM NOM NOM NOM etc.

  Last November was a funny period of my life. This was a time where I was mentally, physically and spiritually preparing myself for school the next semester. I hadn't been in school for over a year and was ready to go back. I needed to go back. Making money is nice, but if you're doing it all the time you begin to lose your sanity and your identity even. I was excited to be in a school environment where teacher’s assigned projects/assignments that made you think about the environment around you, to look a bit deeper and see the cracks in which people can fall through in society, what makes us who we are and bring that out in us. Going back to school wasn't as easy as I was hoping it would be. Writing at a university level again after so long was a bit difficult but I conquered my fears of writing papers and written responses and was happy with the end result. Good or bad, I was able to express myself again! First semester back at Capilano University in January I took and English 100 writing course and Anthropology of Music. I loved both classes. The teachers I had, the content of the classes, everything about them was amazing. However, this semester I'm taking a class with a teacher who spends more time talking about her kids than the actual content which is pretty frustrating. However, one of the best things that has happened to me at school was meeting the love of my life (TLMF)...

  Love is such a complex emotion on so many levels (go figure). Earlier last year I started "seeing" a guy after him and his girlfriend had broken up. I don't know why I did it, but inside me I had a drive that longed for him. So one day we were at a bar drinking beer by the pitchers. After the rest of the people that we were with left, we began to talk about sleeping together; in other words being "fun buddies". At the time I didn't want to be in a relationship, I just wanted someone to fuck my brains out (mind you being a virgin at the time I was sexually frustrated). And I found someone that did. We only slept together twice, because after the second time I realized I was falling in love with him. After we slept together I realized that on an emotional level I was not meant to have "fun buddies" and that if I was going to become emotionally attached to these people I would only be hurting myself. I wanted to be with him. I really did. I tried dating other people (that's another story I'll save for another day) with no luck. This love ended last December before my trip to Hawaii. I confessed my love to him on another drunken night, and he told me he didn't want a relationship with me but just wanted to sleep with me. I was heartbroken. After my trip to Hawaii I was free. The trip helped me realize that I don't need a person in my life to be happy, but that I should embrace being on my own and grow before jumping into another relationship. On New Year’s I saw my old "fun buddy" and he tried to make a move on me. We kissed, and then he tried to undo my dress. I stopped him. And from there things were a bit awkward for a period of time. In the New Year I didn't know anybody at school except for my old "fun buddy" and a couple of his friends. One day he was sitting in the cafeteria with a bunch of other people in the same program as him. I met all of them briefly, including TLMF. At school I had no intention of meeting anybody. Truth being was that I was having a hard time trusting people after being hurt. (Think metaphorically of a crab hiding under a rock to avoid being hurt/seen). Back to that day, after the boys left I was sitting in the cafeteria doing some work trying to avoid going home. An hour into my homework I noticed TLMF (wasn’t at the time) walking towards the microwave to heat up his staple frozen dinner. I called him asking how he was doing and if he wanted to sit down and chat for a bit during his break. Nice guy, I thought. Handsome too. But I had no intention of being with him or anybody at the time. After he left to go back to his class I was happy I made a new friend. The next day I saw him again in the cafeteria killing time before his friend's show. I told him that I would hang out with him; to again, avoid going home. We talked for three hours straight. We talked about everything. I could tell by talking to him that he was a very intelligent, stubborn, opinionated and charming fellow. At one point during our three hour conversation I mentioned meditation and yoga. He said he had always wanted to try yoga, so I invited him out to the class that I usually would go to the following day. I gave him my phone number/email in case he got lost. He seemed a bit surprised with me giving him my number. I didn’t see it as anything too big, nor was I expecting him to come out. You see, this studio is downtown, and he lives in West Vancouver. That's a pretty big commute by bus (he doesn’t have his license). Especially that early in the morning. So I got to the studio late (go figure, I’m not the most punctual person) and saw him in class! I almost shit myself I was so surprised! It was awesome/entertaining watching him trying to do the stretches in above ankle socks and purple shorts. After the class I walked up with him to the library because he was going to a training seminar for his job with the Olympics. After we arrived at the library he gave me a cd that he had mentioned in an e-mail the night before. I had a weird feeling come over me after that class. I tried to ignore it, but I gave in: I was starting to like this guy. I was extremely nervous cause I didnt want to be hurt again. After a few more e-mails and a couple of yoga classes/dates I knew that I really liked him. He was different from the guys that I had liked/dated in the past. I knew I was going to be with him. Shortly after this realization, I was preparing myself for the week of chaos: Drivers test one day, Anthro exam the next, and wisdom teeth removal the day after. I decided that if I was going to be with him, I'd have to get my license. It was time. I thought about him throughout the test, and then I did it! I told my mom that if I got my license that I would kiss a boy. This was exactly what I did before the yoga class before the operation. We've been together since. It's been over nine months and I couldn't be happier. I love him. He loves me. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

 Overall, I think it's been a pretty solid year. I've done a fair share of travelling, met/got back in touch with life long friends and have learned more about myself along the way. One of my goals for the next little while is it improve the trumpet. I started learning late September amd I'm loving it! As diffuclt as it may be, I see it as a fun challeng to conquer. So we'll see where things will go from here. I don't know what'll happen a year from now, and I dont want to. I want life to unravel in front of me one bit at a time. And if you're reading this, I want you to know that I love you from the bottom of my heart.

Till next time!

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